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9.10.19 再见中国

My time in China is swiftly coming to an end (32 days to be exact) and whilst I’m gutted to be leaving behind wonderful friends, kids and teacher, I am so fucking ready to get out. 

The fact was – and still is – that my first boss fucked me over by sabotaging my application for a working visa meaning that my following applications were denied. At first I was livid, I wanted to stay another 2 years working alongside my best friend and I did what I could to try and get the visa. However, as time passed I came to realise that I had been cruising comfortably in “mentally drained” just 4 months into my time here. Although I managed to get a stable job in January it eventually sucked every last bit out of me and I feel like I’m about to break down. Silver linings.

I feel like a helium balloon slowly deflating and being dragged down by the weight of gravity with no way of getting back up.

Having worked every damn summer since the age of 14 without rest from education I think I deserve some time to pause, breathe in and restart. I’ve become so fogged up and the grip I have on myself is getting loose. 

I’m incredibly excited to be introduced to new countries, cultures and sceneries in this small part of the world. The breadth of what is ahead of me hasn’t quite sunken in yet.

My travels will end in April and from there I’ll be coming home

Yes, I was going to head to Australia afterwards but I doubt my bank account will look too pretty afterwards and plus I think I need to be around the people I love for a while. 

I made this decision a couple of months ago and was very determined to conceal my plans right up until standing on the door step of my parents’ house. I tried, I really did but the big sad a.k.a depression had been impacting me profusely. Whilst in Seoul (which I’ll get to soon) I had an intrusive thought along the lines of “you could just book a flight back to the UK” which I swiftly shut down because I know how ridiculous that would’ve been.

I told the family over video chat and felt like a whole house had been lifted off of my shoulders. I’m pretty fucking excited to be in the presence of them again even if that is just sitting in silence watching the TV with a cuppa and a couple of ginger nut biscuits. To be just a brisk walk away from the ocean and short drive away from the moors is something that the depth of my soul is craving. The hardest part is going to be the difference in salary and reduced sense of freedom with regards to travel. There are so many amazing people scattered across the country that I’m aching to see. Some that I haven’t seen since graduation and some that I have yet to meet for the first time. The cost of seeing all of them is going to be painful especially considering a 10 hour night train in China can be as low as £20. 

So yep, I’m coming home. I’m excited yet apprehensive for a lot of reasons. 

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