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12.3.18

Mondays aren’t so manic for me I hope The Bangles don’t feel envious. Mondays and Tuesdays are my days off  – my weekend. It kinda sucks, all my friends have the weekend off and all the trips organised on an event app called “CET’ are planned for Saturday/Sunday. After a couple weeks of teaching I’m sure I’ll figure something out.

I’ve completed 2 weeks of unassisted teaching now and it’s going okay I think. My timetable keeps changing but that’s China, it’s a last minute this way that way Katy Perry country. Since I’ve been doing demos I’ve managed to open up 2 classes of my own and taken over 3 classes. There’s a rainbow of children that I come into contact with – tiny humans; older humans; lovely humans; uncooperative humans; shy humans and chatty humans. I’ve said before that kids need play to learn and grow, I can already see the cultural stereotype of academic introvert brainboxes forming. You rarely hear of exchange students studying arts subjects, but that time the cement of of “respected” degrees with “respected” salary (VOMIT) has dried around the easily moldable bricks. Some kids are already so introverted others are extroverted and my heart aches to think they might end up being another shitty thought of stereotype. So my goal is to snap them up and hold them close to my drama filled heart.

I have a kid called Bob he’s so sweet and adorable. I can tell he’s incredibly clever because he corrects my maths. He’s very shy though and his English level is pretty low, his mother wants me to build his confidence and extend his vocab.  For his first two one-to-one’s I’ve just been reviewing his units one of which is Family and descriptors. We created actions for tall/short, old/young, pretty/handsome and he loved it, when I showed him each flashcard he jumped into character straight away. Unpromptedly he called me “pretty” when I showed him that flashcard and I melted to the floor, I’m considering taking him back to the UK to be my date for Liv’s wedding. His only speaks English when he is repeating or reading and he doesn’t quite understand that I’ve no clue what he’s saying in Chinese, bless him. I look at him sadly and say “wo bu hey suo Zhongwen’ (I don’t speak Chinese).

Back in England touching your students is frowned upon let alone hugging them, picking them up and dipping them upside down. Barbie is in my Wednesday class and she a super sweet clingy kid, I thought it’d be annoying but it actually gives me some purpose makes me feel loved. I thought the boys would be more introvert but there’s a kid called Ray in my saturday class who has a sweetheart and when we did our reading class he rested his head on my knees. I thought I didn’t want children, maybe I do a long as they can be delivered by a Stork at 4 years old.

We’re introducing a new curriculum into the classes, this is great for me because then I can understand their level properly against a book I understand. Taking over an existing class is confusing for the kids and me because I don’t know what they know. Giving that we’re starting a fresh for the kids it also means that I can change the names of their classes. Now, those who know me will already know exactly what I’ll call them… it’s kinda obvious. All of my different classes are going to be given badges with their designated Hogwarts house on. I gave my saturday class their badges, they’re Ravenclaw and they looked so happy. My other Hogwarts classes will start on the week of the 19th.

Before that I’m heading to Hong Kong for a couple of days to do a visa hop. Every three months I’ll either get the choice to have flights paid for or an extra day holiday, I think I might choose the flights because if I were to have an extra day holiday it would just mean rearranging classes and that’s effort. If I’m honest I’m really nervous about flying down there when I left for China I had my parents with me at the airport, they took me to check in and made sure everything was in order. This time it’s just me. I have to get to the airport, check in, get to the gate etc. Sometimes I really question how I’m out here alone and if I will ever have the capability to backpack. I paid for the flights and hotel through the payment service on WeChat, it’s legit I know that but I’m a paper document kind of girl. I like everything prim and proper to know exactly when and what I should be doing. I’ve no idea what I’m going to do there yet and I leave this weekend.

My mind just feels so hectic and unorganised I hate it. I don’t wanna work myself into the ground, maybe there is a way I can condition myself to be organised.

I GOT PAID YASSSSS. So month 1 of being here, no job no pay. I got the job quite late in January and after the company pay day. National pay days are halfway through the month with the policy that if someone quits and leaves the first part of said month is leeway which means you won’t get paid. What a joke right?!?! For some companies the payday is on the 20th, imagine working your ass off for 20 days, something happened so you had to go home and NOT being paid for those days. What a fucking liberty. I got paid a lot less that I expected though, and no fault of the company it’s the month of February. 28 days in February are already shit enough but then you have 5 unpaid days due to the Chinese holiday.

So now I’ve joined a gym and I really am determined to get thinner again. I’ve not gained weight since being here, in fact I think I’ve lost some but I’m still not satisfied… hip fat is the worst, am I right? *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* look out she’s mentioning food and her weight again. The only downfall I have is my eating disorder. I excessively eat. Today for breakfast I had a small breakfast cake and a banana, for lunch I had a salad with 2 eggs and then for after I had a handful of banana chips… and another… and another… and another… until the whole bag was gone. I really don’t know how to stop this sort of disorder. Firstly, I was under eating (1000) calories a day and a run, became so slim and was really happy. Year after I’m depressed (not clinically, but you just know) and I’m over eating, buying chocolate and wolfing it down. If I open something that should be ate in moderation, I will moderate the moderation and eat the whole fucking packet and then I will ALWAYS feel horrid, fat and disgusted after. Perhaps I need to include something else into my diet, I’ve also read that perhaps I shouldn’t eat in front of the tv.

I can’t believe I’m actually saying this but I do need help. I just don’t know where to find it here. Maybe someone reading this can help? Idk. That sounds like a tragic plea but I just want to feel happy with my body again y’know.

 

JMW x

1 thought on “12.3.18”

  1. It’s so wonderful reading about your experiences, Jodie! Must be so lovely to feel yourself growing too as well as seeing the kids learning! Hope you’re having an amazing time, I’m sure you are a perfect teacher for them all!
    Sending lots of love xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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