It’s the beginning of my third week at the school, Chinese New Year is just around the corner and you can feel it. Teachers and assistants are tapping their toes whilst glaring at the clock itching for the day to be through so that they can begin their festivities. Beijing is a working city, therefore when CNY comes around most people head home for the 2/3 weeks. Some others plan trips away to somewhere close by like South East Asia. I have nothing planned, or at least I thought I didn’t. With this first month being a total shambles in terms of work and money I couldn’t plan anything which I’m so gutted about because it’s the longest holiday of the year. However, my boss sprung upon me that she is thinking about taking me and another employee skiing (everyone else is off somewhere else). First thoughts were “oohh, a skiing holiday. I’ve never been skiing before!”, second thought was “oh fuck, I’ve never been skiing before” and third thought was “I fucking hated skating, I hate the cold and I hate the snow…” I’m super uneasy come to think of it but it’ll be an experience right??
Experiences – everyone back in Devon used this word a lot when I spoke about China. “It’ll be a great experience for you!”, “You’ll gain so much life experience!”, “Wow, what an experience!”
Little did they or I know that those life experiences would replicate the same ones I had at home – being carried into a taxi blind drunk and chundering all over my shoes. Although here it’s different, I don’t know anyone, home isn’t a 5 minute walk away and no one speaks my language. I’m a fucking idiot, I know. It was a “women drink free” event and I took full advantage of it, clearly. Oh, and you know that super attractive drummer? I thought I’d go an flirt with him. Maybe it would’ve gone well if I didn’t vom in front of him. lol. kill. me. now.
I think working with kids might be bringing out some kind of sickening feeling from way deep dark down from inside of me. I think it’s called a ‘maternal nature’ and I’m not sure if I’m a fan. I think pregnancy is rank and weird, newborn babies are ugly and toddlers are just little brats. However, there are a handful of kids at the school that just melt my fucking heart with the way they speak English and act so polite (also because they’ve said I’m pretty, cool and that they love me). I want to put them in my pocket and take them home to bring me joy when I wake up.
I cannot wait to get paid there are so many things I want to do and buy. Socialising globally always includes money and because I have none to spare I’m not socialising. Although I did meet a group of fab female expats last week so I’ve made a few new friends. I just hate feeling lonely, it makes this whole depression thing so much worse because there’s no one there to take your mind off of it. My second year of University was great I lived with a house full of amazing people and was seeing a really great guy, I was totally distracted from what was the previous 2 years. Perhaps there’s a bottomless can of petrol labelled ‘single’ that is being poured onto my bonfire of depression.
Being in a new unfamiliar place is kind of nice though, I can wander around aimlessly seeking out new places, new faces and new information. The music remains the same though – my best friend’s dirty DnB mix ‘Jump Up For Dis’.
We get fed for lunch at the school and the food is always delicious. In China it’s common to have lots of little dishes that you choose from and place on a bed of mifan (rice), which mean meals are never dull. There is always a selection of vegetables, some plain and some marinated in spices, a variety of different meats and on the odd occasion A FUCKING CHICKEN HEAD.
I’m not feeling that my descriptive senses are flowing in relation to what’s going on with me. I’m going to try and write twice a week because I really have been slacking.