Mood: reflective, settled, happy.
It’s 8:38am and I’m commuting to my workplace ready for my 4th day of observing and training. This isn’t the ‘second’ original job I had it’s a completely new ‘out of the blue’ one. These past 9 days have been fucking frustrating and disheartening.
So, the last time I wrote to you I was sitting in Starbucks preparing for a training week with a school the agency found me (I think). Since then I had been treated to dinner by the owner of the agency which was really sweet, but this was only after she’d picked me up and thrown me into the middle of the ocean whilst shouting “can you do a cover lesson for me?”
I’m the kind of person who likes to keep people happy, even if someone treats me like shit I will still do favours for them. This is a weakness. I’m either viewed as a doormat or as a reliable kind person. Probably the former. This cover lesson went appallingly and I’d never felt so low about what I’m doing here until then. There were 7 kids all between the ages of 4-6 I’m sure, all with terrible English skills. I had been given a sheet of 4 letters with 12 different words and I had to teach phonics – but I was teaching them after another 1hr and a half lesson… THE SAME KIDS. They were tired, bored, disruptive and being taught by a stranger who has had no experience with that age before. These kids weren’t to remember 12 words crammed into 90 minutes of hard teaching. I walked away feeling shit.
During the dinner after the horrendous lesson I was told that despite having a job I would STILL be doing interviews with more schools. LIKE COME ON. 8 INTERVIEWS. It was taking the piss. It became clear that every school I’d been to had to comply to the agency’s contract and thus meant they could not offer me a job.
In the same weekend I received an email from a guy named Chris who found me online and thought I’d be super fitting for the school he manages. This guy was completely random and had nothing to do with the agency. Apprehensively – due to the loose terms of the contract – I went to meet with him for an interview. He gave me some super sound advice about the agency and reassured me that I’m not bound to them due to their lack of term fulfilment. LMFAO GREAT (sarcastically and thankfully). This means that I have been able to slip smoothly through the middle of a time-turner and comfortably onto a bed of safe sand. The bed of safe sand enforces the importance of the arts in learning, and absolutely adored my background in drama so I am WINNING. I started on Tuesday and have been coming in everyday to observe and be surrounded by the curriculum, teachers and children. It’s honestly been great, I’m so glad to actually have a morning and evening routine as well as not spending money to cure boredom.
I met a cute af guy and I’m not going to write about it incase he reads this. However, I will say that I had a conversation with my conscience and I’m deeply embarrassed and ashamed that we even spoke about it.
My best friend gets married this year. How fucking crazy is that?? She knows me like the back of my hand – she can always tell when I’m being grumpy and stubborn… she tells me off for it. I literally adore her, we’ve grown together and witnessed each others low points during our friendship. This though, this is a fucking high. She’s so happy and in love and LOVED herself and that’s all I ever wanted. Those evenings where I would cry because I thought we’d never speak again due to a certain c you en tee, all I wanted was for her to feel loved ALL the time not some of the time.
I video called with her and her fiance the other evening to tell her something REEEALLY important. Up until the video call we both accepted that I probably won’t be able to get home for the wedding which is completely fine. I told her that i’ll probably be able to make it home… admittedly I watched her fiance’s face first and it light up, I glanced at her and she was beamed and I felt so warm and happy. Watching them in that moment not only reminded me of how much love they share but that also loved. As wet as that sounds it’s nice to have reassurance when you’re 3000 miles away from home.
She’s going to look beautiful, fact. I’m going to look like a sobbing panda, fact. (I’ll leave the rest of the totes emosh stuff till the wedding).
One of my favourite song lyrics is –
‘Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you’re alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
(Gabrielle Aplin – Home https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPNgq4ZRxKg )
I’ve just chosen to listen to it and now I’m crying.
(P.S Gabrielle Aplin – Salvation is also a great song, and is sentimental song between me and my best pal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWttGChn5ZE)